Short Story ✍️ Microsoft Teams Meeting re: Upcoming Gangbang
A humorous short in the style of The New Yorker's "Shouts & Murmurs"
I came up with this idea while sitting in traffic thinking of ideas for a much more erotic, erotic story - but it made me laugh out loud so I had to write it up first. Hope it you get a chuckle, too! - L.H.
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Rob sent us a calendar invite for the Microsoft Teams meeting to coördinate logistics for Susan’s upcoming triple anal gangbang scene. But JJ and Tony — two of the three guys who were going to put their dicks in Susan’s ass next week — were stuck on a Zoom with Jason, one of the other producers at our company. According to Trevor, who got a WhatsApp message from Tony, they were still downloading about a so far unsuccessful “social push” to hire micro influencers on TikTok to promote the company’s new site, Cum Guzzling Lesbians.
We, for our part, were already five minutes late, trapped in Slack limbo with Cynthia and her twelve-paragraph thread about parking validation, which had migrated from email, to Asana, and now, horrifyingly, to a live Google Doc. Priya kept adding question marks in the Slack, but we weren’t sure if those were for the thread about parking or the triple anal.
Linda, on the other hand, sent an “urgent” Signal (which we missed, because who has Signal notifications enabled?) about wardrobe continuity for Susan — namely, whether three matching butt plugs would be more “on brand” than the rainbow set from last quarter’s “Pride Ride” campaign. Cynthia sent Linda a message on Telegram, reminding her that Naomi, our CEO, had decreed “no more woke shit.” So it was quickly decided that all the buttplugs would be black, and huge, obviously.
Brandon, in charge of “digital workflows,” tried to sync us all via Notion. This resulted in us discovering that JJ (the one with the sleeve tattoo, not to be confused with Joey from HR) hadn’t received the Google Calendar alert at all, because he had switched to Fantastical after watching a YouTube short from a lifehacking influencer about time-blocking. He responded via text from his Samsung Galaxy S25, which auto-translated to green bubbles on Rob’s iPhone 16 Pro Max, so he ignored him on principle.
Meanwhile, Michelle started a Miro board, ostensibly for “brainstorming lube placements,” but it devolved into twelve sticky notes that just read “Susan.” (Who still hadn’t joined the Teams meeting.)
Trevor tried to loop us back to the main issue — penetrative headcount and the tick-tock for the day of —via a WhatsApp group titled “Gangbang Small Group”, which was confusing because most of us were already in WhatsApp groups starting with “Gangbang” and the one in question was supposed to be a rather large group. Alas, no one thought to add Susan to the group.
Further confusion ensued when Linda replied all with “I’m in!” meaning she’d found parking, not that she was volunteering as the fluffer for the gangbang. Kristi, who hadn’t said anything to this point, quickly hearted Linda’s message and replied “Thank you!!!” with three of those emoji where the little hearts are circling around the little yellow emoji guy (girl?). Kristi was sure she was going to be on fluffer duty for Susan’s triple anal and she was currently not on speaking terms with Tony.
At 2:03 p.m., Priya finally emailed a Google Meet link — replying-all to an Outlook invite that only half of us received, as our Google domain, @pussysandwich.org — still doesn’t sync with Outlook calendars. Someone had tried asking Brandon to fix it, but Cloud-based IT work wasn’t within his scope of “digital workflows”, leaving us to wonder what was.
Jason’s video froze on an unflattering yawn. Priya tried asking if he was logged in from Chrome or Safari. Tony’s dog barked. Cynthia accidentally screenshared a tab called “W-2 Forms 2018”. Michelle dropped off to moderate a Reddit AMA about the carbon footprint of silicon-based lubricant.
In the end, we never actually talked to Susan. All her iOS devices were on Focus Mode, and she was filming an Instagram Live with Armando, the third guy on the call sheet to plow her butthole next week, talking up their latest scene for Cum Guzzling Lesbians.
Rob, meanwhile, was last seen in Teams, still waiting for someone to join.
For some less ridiculous and more On Brand short stories, check out these three hotwife stories:
Excellently ridiculous : )